This is the sort of rubbish I'm capable of. Lifted from an old Facebook status.
The idea comes up to see what's going on at the local club. My partner for the night (a female who is far to bubbly for this hour) and myself enter. A noise instantly pollutes the air. It's foul, it burns, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I draw a comparison to the time I ate an ass load of burritos and nearly died when I "dutch ovened" myself camping in my swag. Mother of god ........... it's One Direction.
The bubbly female partner begins a not so subtle dance in front of me, taunting me, all too aware that I'm already on the verge of loosing my shit. "STOP IT!!" My plea is acknowledged and complied with, but only temporarily enough to lull me into a short lived sense of satisfaction before she starts again ........... shit.
We get to a point where we can observe the dance floor, and I mostly see what can only be expected when this sort of ........ noise, this ....... abomination of audible tones is painfully reverberated through the air. Young, drunk, rabid, females. All bopping together in some sort of brainless trance. But there is something else, something sinister, something worse, far worse.
It can't be. Please lord, help me from this evil. It's got the men as well. They're singing, and dancing. I smell the air in the hope that perhaps is some sort of gas leak. I look around praying to spot something that will excuse these, blokes(?) from their behaviour. Say it isn't so. Please don't have them doing this at their own will. But it's obvious from the look on their faces, and the enthusiasm they display that is voluntary.
My god, look at yourselves. You there, the guido with the tight top, gold bling and overly tanned skin, MAN UP!! You over there, in the flannel! Your a mullet away from the classic Aussie AC/DC yobo, but your meaningly pulling the air in front of your chest like your in a Rick Astley power ballad music video. I vomit a little in my mouth.
I'm frozen, horrified. I close my eyes momentarily in the hope that it's all a nightmare, and that I'll'll wake up safe and sound in front of the computer I was previously working on. I open them again, but there is no relief. It's obvious to me now. I realise what has happened. I look up towards the roof, but not at it. More through it, praying to god that I promise I'll do my best to behave and live and honest life more than ever from this moment on, because tonight, in this place, at this time, I've learnt what hell is.
© 2013 Dutchy's Stuff
The bubbly female partner begins a not so subtle dance in front of me, taunting me, all too aware that I'm already on the verge of loosing my shit. "STOP IT!!" My plea is acknowledged and complied with, but only temporarily enough to lull me into a short lived sense of satisfaction before she starts again ........... shit.
We get to a point where we can observe the dance floor, and I mostly see what can only be expected when this sort of ........ noise, this ....... abomination of audible tones is painfully reverberated through the air. Young, drunk, rabid, females. All bopping together in some sort of brainless trance. But there is something else, something sinister, something worse, far worse.
It can't be. Please lord, help me from this evil. It's got the men as well. They're singing, and dancing. I smell the air in the hope that perhaps is some sort of gas leak. I look around praying to spot something that will excuse these, blokes(?) from their behaviour. Say it isn't so. Please don't have them doing this at their own will. But it's obvious from the look on their faces, and the enthusiasm they display that is voluntary.
My god, look at yourselves. You there, the guido with the tight top, gold bling and overly tanned skin, MAN UP!! You over there, in the flannel! Your a mullet away from the classic Aussie AC/DC yobo, but your meaningly pulling the air in front of your chest like your in a Rick Astley power ballad music video. I vomit a little in my mouth.
I'm frozen, horrified. I close my eyes momentarily in the hope that it's all a nightmare, and that I'll'll wake up safe and sound in front of the computer I was previously working on. I open them again, but there is no relief. It's obvious to me now. I realise what has happened. I look up towards the roof, but not at it. More through it, praying to god that I promise I'll do my best to behave and live and honest life more than ever from this moment on, because tonight, in this place, at this time, I've learnt what hell is.
© 2013 Dutchy's Stuff
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