I'm struggling to find something to write about. I am literally sitting at the computer writing next to nothing, and thinking about even less. There's no hiding it. I blame Facebook. I've noticed more and more that I am spending countless hours scrolling through the never ending behemoth of social media available at my fingertips. It's ruining us (the entire human race) as a whole. There are zombie like individuals just walking the streets oblivious to the goings on around them as they scroll through all manor of topics that ultimately hold absolutely no benefit or influence on them, and I'm becoming one of them. In fact, I think I saw an image depicting something like this on Facebook once.

Then there's the subject matter. In one post your reading the plight of a destitute, illness riddled child of a war stricken third world country, and the next post is a pictorial expedition of dogs reactions when their owners present them with their walking leads. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THAT? Aren't we emotionally unstable enough. Why the hell do we want to torment ourselves in our spare moments by swinging our mood from heart tearing sadness to reality escaping euphoria?!?! 

And how about the English language? Kiss that shit goodbye. With words like "derp" "pwned" "bae" and similar shortened/misspelled phrases being used more and more one can only assume that the bulk of contributors to social media must have been repetitively struck upside the head with a large blunt object. We are being presented as stupid, shallow, lumps of meat. Almost autonomic in operation. It's sad. If enlightened celestial beings happen to come our way, and they accept Facebook as an indication of the level of intelligence we hold as a species it's a good chance they might just initiate an attack that sparks a catalyst causing our solar system to collapse into itself and crush us all into a tiny dense ball of matter, all just as a precaution to ensure the spread of idiocy is prevented. 

Then there's the fact that a lot of the information on social media is .....well.......BULLSHIT!!! People don't even seem willing to verify any claims made on social media. Every month this year I've see some random "money bags" post claiming that because any one particular month has five Saturdays, five Sundays and five Mondays I will come into good fortune............but only if you like and share this post. ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!! I've been checking. It's as simple as looking at a calendar. Also, lets momentarily disregard the issue that most of the time the facts stated in the posts are horrifically incorrect. I'm pretty sure that whatever cosmic forces decide our fate ARE NOT MAKING DECISIONS ON WHICH INDIVIDUALS RECEIVE MONETARY REWARD BASED ON WHICH POSTS THEY LIKE ON FACEBOOK!!!!! Seriously you guys. Come on. Stressing the uselessness of your actions to you is nearly causing me to pop a vein in my forehead. Also, thinking that you can rid the world of cancer by sharing a Facebook post is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube by shitting your pants. Ponder that. I'm very wise. 

I could go on and on about this, but I think my time might be better spent putting the xmas tree up with the family. 

Don't forget to like this blog on Facebook............................shit.


© 2013 Dutchy's Stuff

.......and as part of his birthday celebrations he decided to invite four of his friends to the local indoor pool. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but indoor pools are tricky that way.

Even while I was standing in the foyer paying for entry the enormity of my decision to participate hadn't dawned on me. It's not until you open the double doors and make your way into the pool area that the regret smashes you in the face. It hits you almost as heavily as the topic i'm about to sook-up about.

My primary complaint is the noise. I can only assume that the building has been purposely designed to contain and reverberate every singular sound made, perhaps even amplify it. This makes the swimming area an enormous Pandora's Box of incomprehensible acoustics. My theory was proven when I took the time to retreat to the foyer to acquire a kiosk made cappuccino.The protection of the closed door was breached occasionally by some soaking 6 year old child that's come in to beg the kiosk attendant for a Bertie Beetle. The mass of noise would blast through the hall like the Death Star's giant laser. If it wasn't for the fact that the automatic doors at the exit where shut, it would probably interfere with passing traffic, and set off the audible alarms of any parked car within 100 metres.

Let's discuss the major contributors to this sonic disruption. It's the girls. They squeal, but it's not that simple. There seems to be a great range of purposes to squealing. It's something I hadn't noticed until today. Firstly there's the short stab. The short stab is a quick, almost chirp of a squeal. This was mainly executed by large groups of girls playing together in the pool itself. I believe it to be utilised as some sort of echo location device. The dry ground variant to the short stab is the long whine. The long whine is performed by girls who have temporarily fled the swimming group to run around the edge of the pool. One can only assume that there must be a greater difficulty in tracking stray members of the flock once they are out of the water, so the intensity and consistency of the squeal must be drastically increased.  

Then there's "The blast". The blast is a squeal that is mild in length but extreme in volume. It is a dual purpose warning and weapon system. I observed the blast being utilised mainly in times of extreme splashings, or whenever a member of the male species was present to within ten metres of the female flock. I was unfortunate enough to be within range of a blast when an apparent 10 - 12 year old girl's position on an inflatable platform was being threatened by another in her group. I have now self diagnosed myself as suffering a perforated ear drum.  

© 2013 Dutchy's Stuff

I'm putting this website up to do some random, blogging? Is blogging a word? If it is then why the hell is spell check putting that damn little red squiggle underneath? Should I be saving this for my first blog? DAMNIT!! Why does the word blog come up with a little red squiggle? OK, it looks like I'm already writing my first blog.

This is exactly the sort of random babbling you can expect. I plan on writing these little diddys (diddys? damn! another red squiggly), and when you read it it may make you happy or sad, bore or amuse you, like it or hate it, or it might leave you agreeing or violently disputing.  Read on and you might find yourself entertained one way or another. 

Lets make it clear form the get go that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Other than the occasional oversized Facebook status or hidden little short story it's not something I've done before, and I don't see myself doing it in any professional manner.  I'm not that smart. I'm not that wise. I just occasionally have some random thoughts running through my mind and I enjoy writing them down so that I can enjoy them again later. The only difference now is that I might have a crack at sharing them.  

I'm probably going to just start by sharing on Facebook. This is going to suck because that means that for the most part the only people reading are going to be family and friends who know full well who I am.  If anyone else out there ends up tagging on along the way then I choose to keep a little bit of anonymity. Sounds dodgy but that's how I'm keeping this page.  This is one of my goals when it comes to its design. This might change. 

If I post, or blog, or write, (or whatever it's called) then feel free to comment, respond, share, whatever. I might enjoy that very much.  I might even respond. I might snub, insult, tolerate, dislike it, whatever. It could be cool. It could suck balls.   I might realise early that this is all a great big mistake, that I look like a douche, and quit. We'll see.

© 2013 Dutchy's Stuff